Ode to Mums

There are 3 mums in my life. My own mum of course, who recently turned 94. My mother-in-law Heather who is still spry in her 80s. And my wonderful wife, mum to five children including our 4 adult men and our late daughter who lived only a few hours.  I'm honouring them because Mother's Day is coming up May 12. But first I'd be remiss if I did not note for those of you whose mum has passed, or who have lost or never had connection with their own mum, my heartfelt condolences to you. 

The love of a mum for children is truly something special. We all know the wisdom, "Never get between a mamma bear and her cubs".  They same may be true for the human mums that I know. There is nothing they wouldn't do for their children, and that love never departs. 

As I reflect on my own mum, she is very dear to me, but the sailing wasn't always smooth in our relationship. For example, she would nag me to wear boots to school on those raining Vancouver winter days - but do you know how uncool that was? So the boots got stashed near our garbage cans, safe to retrieve before I came in the back door. Happy memories include wonderful road trips, some multi-day to places like Palm Springs, Colorado Springs and Prince Rupert (via Jasper!). Then there were the shorter (but not short) trips with my mum and siblings crammed into an Oldsmobile station wagon, headed to the Okanagan for summer holidays. My dad would join in his sportier car on weekends, but not in the jam packed family car.  

My mum grew up without a dad. She lost him in an accident when she was about 6 years old and she may have grown closer to her older siblings than to her mum, yet she remained loyal to her mum, visiting her almost daily in her waning years.  Some of my mum's loyalty, sporting nature and perhaps frugality have been passed onto me, and no doubt she was a positive influence on my dad who tended to be a little flashier in his tastes.  

In the last few months, my mum has lost her independence, needing support to carry on. But she has maintained her humour and at times her feistiness during her best moments!

My mother-in-law Heather once earned the nickname "Hurricane Heather" for her ability to balance a professional career, initially in real estate and later in medical practice management, with energy to spare for her family. When my wife Lesley and I had young boys, Heather and her late husband Clem, would take our young boys on Friday nights, giving Lesley and I a welcomed date night!  Heather is still activity in the community, volunteering at VanDusen Gardens (in Vancouver) and helping neighbours in the apartment building she moved to a few years ago. 

My wife Lesley, has been a remarkable mum to our children who are now, aside from our daughter who lived but a few hours, grown men, one with his own family. Lesley has also been very kind to her mum and my mum. I'll never forget a few nights ago, visiting my mum and seeing how tender and extraordinarily beautiful Lesley was in kindness for my mum. 

Mums are amazing!

I hope you get a chance to celebrate your mum and/or your mother-in-law this coming Mother's Day, Sunday May 12. Happy Mother's Day!

– Michael

P.S. To help celebrate, and to help your mum or mother-in-law feel their best, SierraSil is having a special promotion for you coming soon in the next few days, keep an eye out for promotion emails from SierraSil! We ask (honour system) that you only use the Mother's Day coupon if you are a mum or are ordering product for a mum.

"Always do the best you can, even if you have to rest a few moments" says Mrs. Kong, advice passed onto her by her parents.  If I see Mrs. Kong on my walk to work, its always a pleasure to stop and say hello. Her dad grew up in Victoria, born to parents who came from southern China and reared 10 children in their new country. Her parents worked hard and learned the new language, even if caused embarrassment at times, especially to her mum who struggled more than her dad with the strange English words. Eventually, their efforts, along with kind mentorship of her dad's employer, enabled Mr. Kong to open his own tailor shop and to mentor others on their journey. 

I don't know all of Mrs. Kong's story, just the odd piece of information in passing conversations. For example she has a son Michael, which makes it easier for her to remember my name and that gardening is her passion. She is nearly 90 years of age, but out every day, tidying her front garden rain or shine, staying active and staying healthy in the process.

Doing our best is a multifaceted challenge. It takes preparation, both physical and metal, at least for me, with so many distractions. Yes, this includes getting good rest and nutrition, having clarity of task, and perhaps the right tools (including gear or clothing). But as I reflected on this, I also pondered doing our best at what?

Years ago, we created the BASE Wellness Program™. It included 10 questions with check box answer options that covered not so good, good and great. There were questions about food quality and portion, water consumption, exercise questions, sleep, prayer or meditation and a question, "Did I give my best energy to my most important relationship?"

As I consider giving my best, I reflect on Mrs. Kong's generational advice. I can't do my best in everything. But perhaps the place to start, is on my most important relationship. As we enter spring, perhaps you are already giving your best to your most important relationships (plural noted). They could be God, your spouse, your children or someone you are caring for, or as an employer, your employees. But if not, why not give this some thought today? Are you giving your best to your most important relationships? Perhaps distractions have gotten in the way, chasing a business or career goal or perhaps a fitness goal.

To do our best, for our best, good health is obviously important. So are well ordered priorities. Thank you Mrs. Kong for your reminder, always do our best, even if we need to take a little rest.

When it comes to match ups, this one on February 14 when Valentines meets Ash Wednesday is quite unusual!  These days meet just 3 times a century so it seems. In the 20th century in 1923, 1934 and 1945. This century in 2018, this year and 2029 and then they part until sometime after 2100. So for you, which one will take the win in 2024? They seem so different, one is about love, the other about an act of remembrance to start Lent, a season of abstinence in preparation for the Christian Holy Week. But are they that different? As an aside, I’m grateful that I’ll be able to enjoy Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday with Lesley, who is the beautiful part of the photo above! 

You can find many articles on the origins of Valentine's Day, honouring St. Valentine, a third century priest in Rome.  There are also well documented traditions about Ash Wednesday.  I note traditions, as there is no reference in Christian scripture to Ash Wednesday or Lent. But for the person who's not into Valentine's Day or whether or not you believe in the Christian faith, perhaps there are things we can all take from the meeting of these two days on Wednesday this week.

Firstly, in honour of St. Valentine, there is love and compassion. The stories of St. Valentine are linked to compassionate acts that were against the law of the day. Perhaps we can use the spirit of St. Valentine to show extra kindness, even extravagant kindness not just for those we love, but even for complete strangers. What would that look like for you? Maybe buying a coffee for the stranger behind you in line? Doubling (or tripling!) your usual tip the next time you are in a tipping situation? Stopping, if it is safe to do so, for the pedestrian even if they are not in a crosswalk? Or sending a donation to a charity that offers kindness to the homeless or hungry?

Secondly, in honour of Ash Wednesday, or more importantly the tradition of Lent which usually applies to spiritual practices. But what if you aren't partaking in spiritual practices. Consider applying the Lenten discipline to stopping one habit and starting another, at least for the 40 days? Maybe the habit to stop is checking social media first thing and instead take time for gratitude or write a kind note to someone in your life. Or perhaps the 'habit' is a craving for sweets that you set aside and substitute something healthy like a fruit or even crisp fresh veggies. Traditional practices of Lent include giving up meat for the 40 days, but what ever you decide, my encouragement is to consider giving something up, and using that to recalibrate on something healthy. I'm thinking of giving up licorice (a growing weakness since I have stopped having desert regularly) but use the time when I am craving that licorice hit to reflect on something or someone important to me (and to eat something healthy too!). Of course, in some circles, the Lenten practices are six days a week, taking Sunday off, but as Lent is about spiritual disciplines, if you can, consider going the full 40 days with what you decide. You'll be proud of your effort!

Both Valentine’s and Ash Wednesday harken to stories or histories that highlight sacrificial love. So maybe they aren’t as different as they first seemed to me. Happy Valentine's Day and blessings to you on the start of Lent (whether you practice it or not).